How To Chase Your Dreams After A Major Life Change

4 steps to ground yourself and re-orient towards your future.

9 months ago, my entire life changed. 

That is not an exaggeration. Every part of my life has gone through a dramatic makeover.

Last March, I was pregnant and working full-time as the director of operations for a few different online businesses, and seeing my own private clients. My husband and I were in the process of closing on our home and moving (I don’t necessarily recommend moving in your third trimester… but hey, it was an adventure 😂.) I was going out, seeing friends, setting up our new home, and living life as I’ve known it thus far. I had certain dreams and ideas about my future work and where I thought I’d like to take my career. I was doing my thing! And then last May, it all came to a grinding pause when I became a mother.

I gave birth to our beautiful, sweet (and quickly becoming sassy 😉) baby girl two weeks before her due date, and my life drastically changed overnight, in ways I could have never prepared for. 

The reality of becoming a mother crashed over me like an unexpected tidal wave. I gave birth thinking that I was going to be able to just keep living my life as I knew it, and entered motherhood with no true perspective of how my entire life, body, being, marriage, and the day-to-day (and night) demands on me were about to change. And that hit me like a brick wall. 

A few days ago, I came across an article on NPR on matrescence, which refers to the shift in identity and massive change that women go through as they become mothers. As they say, “The reality is moms undergo a huge transition that can rock every fiber of your being and make you question who you are.” And in my personal experience of the past 9 months of my life… YES, I CONCUR.

I now see that the days spent sitting in my nursing chair, with my sweet little baby sleeping on me as I cried and cried, was a deeply important (and completely normal) grieving process for the life I had before. 

At two months postpartum, I realized that I was not going to be returning to my work full-time like I had thought I would be. I was not going to be sitting with clients again anytime soon. And I was not even sure who I was anymore, let alone what I wanted for my future. And that was incredibly painful.

I resisted at first. I spun myself into anxiety trying to figure out how I could make it all work and go back to my life as I knew it. But, at some point, I gave in and realized things were now different, and needed to be. And it was like a pressure valve started to slowly release within me. 

And so, I let myself sit in the muck of the unknown and shifted my focus to what was right in front of me – raising and caring for our little girl.

And at some point over the past 9 months, I stopped crying. The grief subsided. And I began to find myself again - but the new version of me. The version that includes ‘mother’. My day-to-day life looks completely different than before, and that’s becoming ok. I’m starting to figure out how I can merge myself and my vision for my grand life, with the day-to-day demands of being a mother and caring for my family.

In this integration period, I’ve had to massively adjust my expectations of what I can produce, what kind of time I have available to me and how to best organize myself. I’ve had to do some work around my identity and who I am today, asking questions and going within to discover what’s there now, who am I and what do I really want? I’ve had to get good with the wildly different overall structure of my life and my days - with being on-demand 24/7, having extremely limited alone time (I vaguely remember the concept???) and figuring out how to feel semi-myself again amongst it all. You know… super casual stuff haha!

But now? 

I am dreaming again! I have clarity and a vision and a master plan! I know exactly where I’m headed and I’m going to keep myself open to everything else I can’t yet see along the way. I know where to start, and that feels amazing after months and months of cloudiness. 

For me, my radical change was entering motherhood. For you, it may be a job loss, career pivot, moving out of the country, a break-up, loss of a parent, or becoming a parent…

Whatever it is, if you’ve gone through a massive change and are trying to find your sea legs again, follow your dreams, and live your next version of your big life, here is what I suggest:

Step 1) Give yourself ample time to grieve / let go / get good with the loss or change, before starting something new. Put an expiration date on this ahead of time. 

August of last year was when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to jump back into my life as I knew it before. 2 months after that was when I finally fully surrendered to giving myself time to grieve and reconcile with my new life. I told myself I would let myself just be in this process and this moment until the end of the year. And by the end of 2023, I was ready to move on.

Step 2) Take a whole month, if you can, to then get back in touch with yourself. Set up some new, healthy routines around this. 

At the start of 2024, I decided I was going to take all of January to go within and make a new plan. I told myself I would wake up at 5am every morning (or as often as I could, depending on if baby girl slept through the night or not) and gift myself 60-90 minutes to just be with me. On the menu was morning pages, tapping, meditation, and learning. (And coffee, my god, there was coffee.) And I’ve stuck with it! I love it. I notice a huge difference in myself - my mood, my optimism and my belief and trust in life on the days I get to do this vs. the days sweet baby girl has other plans for me 😉😂. During this time, I’ve found grounding, focus, visions, and dreams again. I’ve gotten in touch with myself again - the upgraded version of myself that I am today. I had time to integrate all the major changes of the past 9 months, and really understand who I am and what my life looks like today. 

Gift yourself this kind of time if you can. Start tomorrow. You will not regret it. 

Step 3) Get to the heart of your dreams. Create a ritual / routine for yourself around this. 

Once you start to feel like you’ve had the space to get back in touch with yourself - this new version of you that has integrated the major change you’ve gone through - you will find that you have space to dream again! Create a routine around nurturing your dreams and visions for your new life. It could be that you add this onto your morning routine, or perhaps you feel more clarity at night, and so you carve out an hour before bed just for your dreams. I added this into my new early morning routine, and I came up with the concept for this blog during these morning hours. I have pages of notes, ideas, and a grand master plan for everything I see coming from this in the future. 

Whenever it is, this space is solely for you to get in touch with your dreams and seek clarity. I suggest huge pads of paper, pens, good music, and good vibes. 😉⚡️

Step 4) If you have a lot of ideas, or a big, grand vision, figure out what the first piece of it is that you can focus on now. Create a plan and start to build that out.

We have a lot of ideas, I know. We are in a new life, after all! Hold your new vision clearly, and don’t let it go. But pull back and see what you can start with today. A vision board hanging on our wall is great, but if we don’t pull back and make a building-blocks plan for how we will accomplish one goal, it will most likely remain a cute collage of grand visions hanging on our wall… rather than becoming our reality. 

So, look at your grand vision. Pick one area of focus. Reverse engineer it down to goals for this year, this quarter, and then this month. And start.  

Your new life is waiting for you.